How to Annoy Galbatorix
by Zemera
Summary: See title. Reviews are welcome, flames will be ignored.
1. How To Annoy Galbatorix

How to Annoy Galbatorix

Disclaimer: I do not own Galbatorix or any of the Eragon characters. I did not make any money off this.

1. When talking to him about Durza refer to him as "Durzzy."

2. Remind him that a mere farm boy killed "Durzzy".

3. When he's having one of his evil moments say, "awe are you cranky after not having your nap?"

4. Paint his nails pink while he's asleep.

5. When he asks you if you painted his nails say, "I didn't do it! Freddie did!" and start talking to your imaginary friend Freddie.

6. Copy every move he makes.

7. Take his sword. When he asks you where it is say, "what sword? I didn't know you had a sword. Did you know that he had a sword Freddie? No, I didn't either."

8. Write a Gallbatorix/Eragon fan fiction, and make him read it.

9. Dump a bucket of ice-cold water on his head.

10. Still be alive after doing all of this.

11. When he threatens you say, "if you hurt me I'll sick the mere farm boy on you."

12. Say "did you know that Eragon and I are getting married? We want you to be the best man.

13. When he asks you an important question start speaking Pig Latin.

14. Read his Diary.

15. Tell all the Urgals what his diary said.

16 Call him Galby.

17. When he gets mad at you for telling everybody his most private thoughts say "It's okay Galby, everyone already knows that you wet the bed," in a really loud voice.

18. Follow him everywhere he goes, even the bathroom.

19. Poke him.

20. Whenever he tells you something ask "why?" when he answers your question, keep asking why.

Thanks for reading and thanks to Chaotic Veins, Kalinnnnn, First Gurl Rider, and BluGrrl123 for reviewing. Next chapter will be How to Annoy Eragon.


	2. How To Annoy Eragon

How to Annoy Eragon

Disclaimer: I do not own Eragon or any of the characters. So NOW LAW SUITS! Got it? Good. Enjoy the story.

1. Tell Arya that Eragon loves her.

2. Tell Arya that Eragon hates her.

3. Say "What possessed that overgrown lizard to choose _you_ as her rider? I bet she's regretting that decision right about now."

4. Say "I saw your brother and Arya making out!"

5. Write loves notes and give them to Arya. Tell her that Eragon sent them.

6. Stick ice cubes down his shirt.

7. While he's trying to sleep repeat lines from The Exorcist, just to freak him out.

8. Tell everybody that he still sleeps with a teddy bear.

9. Tell everybody that he sucks his thumb.

10. Hug him at random moments.

11. Sing "This is the Song that Never ends" nonstop.

12. Yell "the Urgals are coming! Everybody run!" Then yell "Just kidding!"

13. Give him "the talk".

14. Tell him that he doesn't have a shot with Arya.

15. Write a Murtagh/Eragon fan fic and make him read it

16. Tickle him.

17. Tell everyone that he wears diapers at night.

18. Pull his hair.

19. Say "Murtagh is a better warrior then you."

20. Tell everyone that his favorite movie is _Bambi_.


	3. How To Annoy Murtagh

How To Annoy Murtagh

Disclaimer: Don't own em'

1. Make him a really hideous robe with lots of lace and insist that he wears it.

2. When he refuses pretend to cry until he gives in.

3. Take pictures of him in said dress, err robe, and post them all over Alagaesia.

4. Tell everyone that he's a cross dresser.

5. Insist that he agreed to fight with "Galby," when he says "did not!" say, "did too" and keep arguing until he horse.

6. Hours later whisper "did too!" as you pass him in the hall.

7. Remind him that he never quite beat Eragon

8. Call him "Murty-Wirty"

9. Say "I didn't know that your were Eragon's sister"

10. Wake him up at 3 am and say "I need to tell you something!" when he asks what it is say, "I forgot."

11. Shave his head once he falls asleep

12. Tell everyone that he wears a thong

13.Sing "If you're happy and you know it" nonstop.

14. When he stars complaining about something say "are you pmsing?"

15. Make him take a girl's health class

16. Tell everyone that he watches "The Teletubbies."

17. Burn all of his clothes.

18. Kidnap Thorn and hold him for ransom.

19. When he gets mad at you out him on the "naughty spot."

20. Exist

That's all for now! Thanks to all of those who reviewed.


	4. How to Annoy Saphira

Disclaimer: Still don't own em'

How to Annoy Saphira

1. Call her an overgrown lizard.

2. Tell thorn that she has a picture of him, and that she kisses it every night.

3. Ask her where baby dragons come from. When she says "eggs" ask her where dragon eggs come from.

4. Sing "Thorn and Saphira sitting' in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g," really loud whenever you see the two of them together.

5. Make a fake diary, include lots of personal details.

6. Leave said diary lying around with "Saphira's Diary" in big bold letters.

7. Paint her green while she's asleep.

8. Sing "Puff the Magic Dragon" while playing it on her scales.

9. Tell her she needs a makeover, emphasize "needs"

10. Make her wear a hideous pink bunny outfit.

11. Take pictures of her in said outfit.

12. Tell Thorn that Saphira loves him.

13. Tell Saphira that Thorn hates her.

14. Tell her that she needs to lose weight.

15. Ask her what she is, when she says "a dragon" say "No you're not, dragons don't exist! Angela said so!"

16. Make her wear a leash and collar and walk her around like a dog.

17. Refer to her as your "pet" dragon.

18. Call her ugly.

19. Sell her on eBay, describe her as "fat."

20. When she growls at you for doing all of this say "you really need to brush your teeth!"


End file.
